You be the judge: should my phone-addicted friend go on a mobile detox?

The prosecution: James

My housemate and best friend spends every waking minute on TikTok

I’ve known Marley for about seven years and she’s always been quite reliant on her phone as she works in social media, but she’s now seriously addicted to it, even after she’s clocked off.

If she puts it down for 10 minutes she gets agitated. I hid her phone once to see how long it would take before she flipped and she couldn’t hack it for more than two minutes. She was like “Where is it?!” It was like watching a smoker cluck for their next fag.

We moved in together in 2020 just before the pandemic, and that’s when I really noticed how bad her phone addiction was. Marley never has the phone out of her hand and she constantly scrolls when we are watching TV or having a conversation. I find it a bit rude. It’s also annoying when you’re trying to concentrate on a TV programme and she’s got her phone on full volume, watching reels.

When she’s working from home at the same time as me, I can hear her videos from the next room. I get disturbed by these weird songs on repeat, and she constantly quotes trending videos. When there was a viral video about a boy eating corn a while back, she’d just randomly burst into song, singing “It’s corn! A big lump with knobs” around the flat about 50 times a day.

Marley will look up literally everything on TikTok. We got a new coffee maker recently and she spent four hours researching people’s video reviews before deciding on which brand to get. I was fine with just reading some Amazon reviews. I asked to see her screen time the other day. I couldn’t actually believe it when it said 12 hours – a day. I told her she’s going to get square eyes, but she just laughed. Actually, her eyesight isn’t great, and I wonder if this is making it worse.

Marley needs to ease off on the phone usage for her own good, but she could also stop blasting videos around the house when I’m trying to watch TV or have a chat. I can deal with a bit of singing but I’m not on TikTok myself so I can’t really relate.

The defence: Marley

My job means I have to be on the ball with what’s trending online

My phone is permanently glued to my hand, I agree with James there. But I don’t think it’s got much to do with him. If I want to make myself blind by spending nine hours a day on TikTok, so what? He should just let me.

I don’t go around blasting videos at full volume all the time; I think that’s only happened a handful of times. When James asks me to turn something down when he’s watching the telly, I oblige. And I’m not socially inept – I don’t watch things when someone is talking to me. He’s exaggerating there.

But yes, I was shocked when James checked and saw that I was using my phone for 12 hours a day. That’s not normal though. I checked and this month my usage is down to about seven hours a day, which I think is quite good seeing as I work in ads and socials for a big company. My job means I have to be on the ball with what’s trending online. I literally get paid to research these things.

Sometimes I get sucked into the musicality of a viral video. CornTok was great. This kid went viral talking about how delicious sweetcorn is and someone remixed it into a catchy track, which took over TikTok. It was stuck in my head for weeks and I was singing it loads. I showed James the video, but I don’t think he found it funny.

James and I work different hours so he’s really not aware of the full extent of my phone habits. He’s rarely in the house when I’m working, and this insinuation that he can hear me blasting videos from my room is far-fetched. I think he’s jealous because I get to do this as part of my career, and he’s got a rather boring job in accounting.

I generally think TikTok is great and I’d be so upset if it got banned. It’s great for finding out about new places when travelling, for product reviews from real people, and for entertainment. I’ve lost countless hours to the app, but I don’t mind. I probably won’t ever detox – and I don’t think I need to. I’m also happy to make James a TikTok account too – if he’s up for it.

The jury of Guardian readers

Should Marley give TikTok a rest?

James sees Marley as his best mate, but it’s telling that not a single thing she says indicates she sees him in the same way. Marley needs to put her phone down, live in the moment and think less about her social media presence. She is guilty of not valuing a good and honest friend because she thinks a better life beckons on TikTok.
Stewart, 62

As a fellow phone addict, I do have sympathy for Marley. However, it’s more than a little rude to have the sound turned on while watching TV together. And given how thin most flat walls are, it seems like headphones are called for too.
Peter, 37

The excessive use of antisocial media is a crime and an erosion of social values. Marley needs to get a grip on the social aspects of cohabitation. However, the two of them are not in a relationship so her life is her own.
Steve, 64

Marley is clearly addicted to TikTok, but if she wants her brain to turn to corn that is her choice. If James can’t hack it, he should move out. People behave quite differently in their own home; I’m sure that if James and Marley were socialising as friends, not flatmates, she would engage with him more.
Margo, 30

While it sounds like Marley has a fairly serious addiction, ultimately it is up to her how she chooses to use her time. On the plus side, it makes gift ideas easy for her birthday. Do corn-shaped headphones exist? Maybe there will be a new trend by then
Rob, 29

Now you be the judge

In our online poll below, tell us: should Marley get off Tiktok and get a life?

The poll will close on Thursday 4 May, 10AM BST

Last week’s result

Last week we asked: should Amaan let Bree have the air-con on in the car?

92% of you said yes – Amaan is guilty

8% of you said no – Amaan is innocent