Tag: Rebecca

  • What straight men need to learn from Eric André and Emily Ratajkowski | Rebecca Shaw

    What straight men need to learn from Eric André and Emily Ratajkowski | Rebecca Shaw

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    Valentine’s Day was earlier this week and while I don’t personally observe Valentine’s Day, I do appreciate that it usually provides a few morsels of tasty gossip. We get to see defiant social media posts about being newly single, sweet posts about new sparks and of course – people soft and hard launching new relationships.

    Often Instagram related, “soft launching” a new relationship means that you post a picture that shows you’re with a new someone, but with no identifying features. It’s a photo of two wine glasses and someone else’s arm in the frame. It’s a blurry, dark photo taken in bed, as if you’ve started dating someone who is also in witness protection. A “hard launch” is explicit. It’s the couple kissing, or a full-face photo (tagged) and some love heart emojis. Or perhaps a water emoji. There’s no room for doubt.

    This Valentine’s Day we got the special treat of a celebrity hard launch.

    If you aren’t aware of these two, I’ll give you a quick rundown. Eric André is a successful comedian and actor known for his alt-absurdist comedy. Emily Ratajkowski first came to prominence appearing in the controversial Blurred Lines music video and has a successful modelling career. She’s also released a book, and published a well-received essay about her experience fighting to own her image. She’s good friends with rising comedy star Ziwe, so she’s probably funny in her own right.

    They are two successful people, so why has this caused such a stir online? Well, it’s because people’s minds are blown that she is one of the most beautiful women in the world – and he is Eric André. Although obviously many people find him attractive (he is!), lots of people are finding it necessary to point out that he’s maybe not quite on her level, looks wise.

    Luckily for Eric it doesn’t matter either way. This is because he is a graduate of the School of Being Funny Enough That Hot Babes Like You. I very much relate to this, and can also speak to this, because I am a fellow alum.

    For context, I am a fat lesbian (shock!), so I am not what is considered a traditionally attractive woman. Before I go on here, my girlfriend has insisted that I have to tell you all that “I am hot”. However, for most of my life it was made clear to me by society how unlikely it was that I would ever find people who were attracted to me. I believed it for a really long time. Luckily – or perhaps mindfully as a way to cope – I became funny. I developed a good personality and varied interests. I am nice. This, shockingly, was enough. Cool and interesting people started wanting to go on dates with me, they like hanging out with me – and sometimes they’ve even fallen in love with me!

    It turns out that a lot of what women want is an interesting and/or funny person to talk to. If that person will also listen to them and care about them as a human being and treat them like one, you’re on to a winning formula. As a whole, I think women are far more accepting and able to enjoy different body types and levels of attractiveness in their partners and I don’t think this is a quality appreciated enough by men. Because I am fat, I know that my romantic life would probably be a lot harder if I had to find straight men who wanted to date me. But I don’t, I get to date women. And so do straight men!

    Even though it’s a pretty damn good deal, there’s a not-insignificant amount of men who still insist on focusing on the wrong things. Instead of looking at pairings like this and seeing that women are clearly dating men because they are funny, smart and ambitious, and deciding to work on themselves so that they become more appealing, there’s still a lot of men who treat dating women like some sort of machiavellian scheme.

    Straight men need to get the message. They should stop listening to other men who clearly despise women, like Andrew Tate, and take a page out of the book of men like André, or Pete Davidson. Davidson is another funny guy with his own vibe who dates a slew of beautiful and successful women, often to the confusion of other men. But look at them and take notes – it’s not that complicated. Women just need you to not be threatened by their success, to be fun, and to treat them nicely, or even just normally.

    Even if you’re not the hottest person around, women don’t need to be tricked into dating you, or controlled into enjoying your company, or talked into spending time with you. I have seen a lot of men respond to this argument by saying “but Eric André is famous and rich, it’s not the same!” This is correct, but I would guess that Em Rata is richer than him. If she wanted to, she could (and has) dated men who are richer than both of them put together and also incredibly classically good looking. But instead, she is now dating a cool guy who makes her laugh. I don’t mean that every man needs to be a professional comedian, but it’s always going to work out better for you if you try to be a fun and interesting person, or at the very least a genuinely interested person.

    Become a person you like, and chances are you’ll find people who like you too.

    Rebecca Shaw is a writer based in Sydney



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    ( With inputs from : www.theguardian.com )

  • Rebecca Miller: ‘There’s an abyss between you and your kids. They’re speaking a different language’

    Rebecca Miller: ‘There’s an abyss between you and your kids. They’re speaking a different language’

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    What do you do with a storyline requiring two US states with different marriage laws, reachable in a single journey without resort to roads? The obvious answer, for a writer as versatile as Rebecca Miller, would be to work it into a novel or short story. But no, it was a film she wanted to make. “I realised that I needed two states on a river where they had different laws. It was like a crazy puzzle that I was trying to figure out,” she says. Her solution was a tugboat which could chug between New York and Delaware. This led to a riot of further possibilities: what if one of the characters was an eccentric female tugboat captain suffering from erotomania, who fixates on a creatively blocked opera composer with a therapist wife who would really rather be a nun?

    The result, She Came to Me, which premieres in Berlin on 16 February, is one of the wackiest romcoms ever to lay claim on the genre: an intergenerational story of love overcoming every obstacle that modern domestic life can throw in its path. “When I read it I thought it was a creatively risky, golden-hearted script full of incredibly drawn, nuanced characters – a somewhat rare find. I felt very clearly how much I wanted the film to exist,” says Anne Hathaway, who plays the cleanfreak therapist.

    Though its characters are all one-offs, the film itself is firmly anchored in the social realities of the stepfamily – which is a set-up with personal resonance for Miller herself. Her marriage to the actor Daniel Day-Lewis made her stepmother to his son, Gabriel-Kane, from an earlier relationship with the French actress Isabelle Adjani. “Not only do I have a stepfamily, but I’m surrounded by others who have them,” she says, “so I can look at my own experience, and then other people’s, and synthesise all of that.”

    Miller and Day-Lewis have two more sons, one of whom – the artist Ronan Day-Lewis – helped out with styling of the film. They have homes in the US and Ireland, and she’s speaking from her office in New York, where the wall behind her is crowded with period postcards. It’s for a future film, set in the 18th century, but don’t assume it’s coming any time soon. She is very visual and the postcards are about creating a palette, she says. She’s a believer in what the theatre director Peter Brook once described as “the formless hunch”. “It might be based on something that really happened,” explains Miller, “or it could be that some mother of a child I knew 20 years ago said something that never leaves you, and you build a whole character on that person. You get an instinct, and then the best thing is to leave it in the unconscious for a long time, so that you don’t pounce on it and ruin it.”

    ‘He never hits a false note’ … Peter Dinklage as Steven in She Came to Me.
    ‘He never hits a false note’ … Peter Dinklage as Steven in She Came to Me. Photograph: 2022 AI Film Productions Inc

    Sometimes the instincts are weird, she admits. When she was making her 2009 film The Private Lives of Pippa Lee, she was simultaneously reading a book about the Marquis de Sade, “and I was just mesmerised by that world of 18th-century Paris.” The result was Jacob’s Folly, a novel about an 18th-century French rake who is reincarnated as a housefly in modern-day New York.

    She Came to Me did in fact grow out of a short story, published in her most recent collection, Total, which was a jeu d’esprit set in an Irish bar. One of the formless hunches that inspired it came from an outing with a friend 30 years ago to a Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous meeting. “I don’t remember why she decided to take me, but I was listening and it was just like, ‘I’m doing really well. I haven’t rented a little place for six months, I’m not watching any movies …’” It all fed directly into the character of tugboat captain Katrina (Marisa Tomei), who propositions the tortured composer Steven in a pub, after he has been sent out by his wife to take the dog for a walk and find himself a random adventure-cum-cure for his depression on the streets outside their home.

    Steven is played by Peter Dinklage, who brings with him the celebrity of the roistering Tyrion Lannister, one of the few lovable characters in Game of Thrones. The camera in Miller’s film doesn’t shy away from his short stature, looking dizzily upwards at the obsequious faces of those congratulating him at one of his opera premieres, and making comic capital out of his relationship with a small French bulldog. When I suggest that She Came to Me would be a very different film without him, Miller says, “Yeah, that’s very true. I really felt that Peter made the film, because he never hits a false note as an actor. It’s almost like watching a cat: cats can never look fake. Plus, he carries with him a sense of history, and maybe even suffering, as a character.”

    Anne Hathaway filming She Came to Me.
    ‘A somewhat rare find’ … Anne Hathaway filming She Came to Me. Photograph: Steve Sands/NewYorkNewswire/Bauer-Griffin/REX/Shutterstock

    Although, as the daughter of the playwright Arthur Miller and the photographer Inge Morath, Miller herself had what appears to have been a privileged early life, listening in to the dinner-party banter of her parents’ starry friends from a perch beneath their dining-table, she has somehow emerged uncowed and unspoiled. “Rebecca is brilliant, kind, enchanting, creative, incredibly determined – I could go on and on,” says Hathaway. “She’s full of iron but has a butterfly touch. She’s endlessly compassionate. I adore her.”

    Her career seems to have been on fast-forward ever since her first film, Angela, in 1995. Has she ever suffered from writer’s block? Yes she has, she says. “It was just after I got married. I think I was just happy. I don’t know what happened but I couldn’t write. I was in Dublin. And it was really terrifying, because my husband was working, and I was home with the kids.” She ended up volunteering in a local women’s shelter – “not thinking I’m going to get material, just thinking ‘I need to do something.’” Out of it came one of the stories in Personal Velocity, an award-winning collection of prose portraits of women which then became an award-winning film.

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    She Came to Him’s characters cover a wide social and political spectrum. One of the advantages of living in New York, says Miller, is that “it’s such a layer cake of different people constantly crossing paths. It’s not like other kinds of cities where people drive a lot; New York is so compact that we see each other in the subway, on the bus or on the street all the time, and are always having encounters with unlikely people.”

    ‘Full of iron but with a butterfly touch’ Miller on set.
    ‘Full of iron but with a butterfly touch’ … Miller on set. Photograph: Matt Infante/ 2022 AI Film Productions Inc

    Miller’s level-headedness keeps the film real, preventing it from veering into glib caricature – even when it’s portraying a bullying patriarchal stenographer who spends his free time dressing as a Confederate in civil war reconstructions, and could so easily have become a representative of the culture wars of today. Trey’s backstory is that he has adopted the daughter of his wife, a single mother of precarious immigration status. Though he explodes when he sees this daughter holding hands with a mixed-race boyfriend, an earlier scene shows him hosting one of her black friends. “Well she goes to public school in New York City, so of course she’s going to have friends of different races,” says Miller. “It’s not like he’s wandering around with Confederate flag tattoos, but there’s something that he can’t get past.” She consulted a dramaturg, “who said: ‘He’s one of those people who isn’t racist until he is.’ I thought that was a really cool way of putting it.”

    Parents don’t have it easy in the film. “I mean, that’s something any parent would recognise, isn’t it?” says Miller. “That feeling of trying desperately to communicate with them when they don’t want anything to do with you because they’re going into a different place? It’s a struggle, and you just have to go quiet and realise that they’re speaking a different language. There’s an abyss between you and your kids, though hopefully you can maintain the bridge.” In her film, the tugboat sails blithely through the middle of it all.

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    ( With inputs from : www.theguardian.com )